opening the door

During a hike recently, or some odd moments in the past, I was able to think or talk in a rather flowing way. Thoughts just came and one led to another. Now that I am here in front of my keyboard, I feel stagnation, thoughts do not come out. Thoughts do not come to me out of the blue. I try to reach back to those thoughts, because I know those were as good as I could get them. But now it feels like fishing for something that already swam past. I try to get into a mode, a mode where my thinking and my emotions flow.

When I play piano I also have the impression that I need to tune something inside myself for it to flow. To think strongly about “the task at hand” is not going to aid me and let my best creations flow out of me.

There are just moments when it just flows, as in a moment, out of the blue, that creativity bypasses the thinking part. It’s like you are enjoying yourself, playing yourself. The joy is in the moment, in the motion from one note to another, to hear a pattern that is familiar, that heals, that moves and loosens things inside.

The question I have now if it is a matter of getting it or a matter of receiving it. I’m not sure but maybe it is both. It is getting it, by opening the door to it, being able to receive it, by getting more balanced in the head. And it is receiving, because once you are open to receive, it is a given, without own effort.